I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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