I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
