you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
