His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
