I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
