I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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