Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
everyone is single if you try hard enough
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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