He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
