I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
