Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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