I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
