So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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