I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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