apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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