so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
