The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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