Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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