she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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