so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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