You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
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I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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