did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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