HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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