So drunk, too bad you don't want this
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
