great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
