He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
