Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
