we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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