just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
