she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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