hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
