from now on my penis is your penis
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
