the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
