Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
