I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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