so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
