May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
