It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
