I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
