4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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