Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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