Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.