she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
