I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.