Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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