Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.