I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome