I love black thongs
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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