I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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