we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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