The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
