I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
