No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
