I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
