Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
