how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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