matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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