You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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