Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
