i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
