Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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