we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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