so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
