I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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