At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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