That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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