Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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