life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
