Got a toothbrush?
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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