he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
