margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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