Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
