Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
