he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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