I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
