Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
