No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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