They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
