o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
