I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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