Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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