Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
