we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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