Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
