if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
