I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
