the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
